Every Little Thing (Dishwalla)

Let me in
to see you in the morning light
to get me on and all along the tears they come
see all come
I want you to believe in life
but I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away
will you find out who you are too late to change?
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

lift me up
just lift me up don't make a sound
and let me hold you up before you hit the Ground
see all come
you say your all right
but I get the strangest feeling
that you've gone away- you've gone away
and will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted
all the time
some times

Don't give me up
don't give me up tonight
or soon nothing will be right at all
salvation
will you find out who you are too late to change?

I wish I could be
every little thing you wanted

A special shoutout to that special one =) I love you

Rascal Flatts - Bless The Broken Road

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you
Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

Every long lost dream lead me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I LOVE MY BABY!!!! (both the BIG and small!)

OMG!!!! I left my laptop in the taxi just now! And my batt went flat! Hohoho when i called Ahgong 4 times and he called me back he thought I got raped or sumth *bleh* Thankfully I got it back after we made many phone calls, filed report, hanging on to the phone for 20 mins and what not. Muahaha he says being with me is good for the heart...great exercise since he gets near heart attacks so many times doing all the things he would never have dared to do (police report, A&E, filing lost and found report at Citycab ) Yays! I got my lil baby back! muahaha thankfully the BIG baby got home safe n sound too! *beams* SO HAPPYYYYYY!

Anw, many things that i want to say..to those who are reading my blog and following (or trying to) my story with WG , don't doubt my love just coz of what happened previously, coz it precisely coz of what happened previously that strengthened this love for him and made it so much more real. I don't know how to explain what I've been going through and neither is there a need to explain myself to anyone, but i hope this decision is respected and not bitched upon.

Thanks for all who have been standing by to give that encouragement (apparently all my friends love him , i'm getting jealous rawrr)

To the people on his side, this relationship is between the both of us...i'd really appreciate that we could work things out on our own THIS TIME and not be under any influence of anyone. I don't wish to go through the same torture that I did the last time and neither is it fair to me coz none you don't know me.

To Gera, though we seldom get to talk now, but thankew for being the first to make tt step to know me last time instead of judging me like everyone else. =)

To Dips, thankew for allowing that chance to not be judgmental (though there were so many time you easily could) and get to know the real me. You don't know how grateful I am for how you've been my punching bag and for standing by when I din know who else to call. You're a great guy and a friend who's very much becoming part of my life too! =) You, Vin and me are gonna make it =) Just hang in there and we WILL get there some day=)

To everyone else, I seriously don't bite...you never know a person until u make the first step to reach out. I AM NICEEEE! *rawr*

I'm glad to know that C is doing well and I'm glad that that past if mine is over. It made it all clearer who I want to spend that rest of my life with.


To you, we're gonna make it...you gotta believe in it *hugz*

I hate myself =(

hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate

i feel sad

i feel lost

i feel edgy

i feel like i've a thousand and one things to consider

i feel FRUSTRATED

i feel...like i want to cry =(

i'm scared to go for tmr's dinner aurgh

AND aside from all that there are so many things i wish to consider going for...upcoming year is gonna be ultra packed with things after things

1. Minor in Technopreneurship (7 mths full-time internship during vacation and sch term*faint*) - talk on this friday
- needs to check out participating companies
- i can drop my 6th module this sem since i will be accumulating too many credits
- i get to do everything in NOC except that it's in Singapore and only a 2wk trip to US
- i'll have to conquer my greatest fear =(
- i will be ultra shag having to go for lectures after work! *sobz* =(
- dateline for application 31 Jan 08

2. Internship with The Co-operations Pte Ltd
- Events Management Executive
- i can get more or less the same experience in Bizcom
- dateline 18 Feb 08

3. Internship with Credit Suisse
- Operations
- prestigious company...except i'm not sure if they want meeeee =(
- widens field of knowledge beyond boring Life Sci
- dateline 25th Jan 08 !!!! AHHHH!

4. DBS Account Manager
- gains working experience with a local bank
- get to know DBS people for future employment opportunities
- gets training in management blah blah
- interview with FY and KK on Thurs

5. Vanity Fair
- Head/Vice Operations Manager
- brainless fun job
- won't be taking on if I'm still taking 6 mods NO TIMEEEE!!!
- interview Tuesday (22th Jan) 12noon - 2pm, NUSSU SECT
Wednesday (23th Jan) Before 1pm - 6pm, NUSSU SECT
Friday (25th Jan) 4pm-6pm, NUSSU SECT

6. FOCC Matric Fair
- BUT Josh is not running for Proj Dir (i think)
- AND i duno who's going back!

7. Union Camp 08
- THOU SHALL NEVER BE AN OGL EVER AGAIN ...i shall come back as a councilor =D
- will definitely bump into annoying people

8. Driving! (grr i still haven't gotten my lazy ass there to register for it!)
- does not need this skill if i'm taking on role 9. (below)

9. Be a tai tai =)
- resume prepared in advance already

Presenting the next world class chef!


Yay! Dinner today was specially prepared by a previously quite reluctant Ahgong whom I managed to hehe CONVINCE after much nagging. So yummy! We had spare ribs, teriyaki chicken, fried chicken drumlets, black pepper beef and mushroom soup for dinner! And it really turned out quite well for his first time!*SLURPS* hehe I'M SO PROUDA HIM!!!!

Lol I love this blur toot =) enuff said *grinz*

apparently he's very shag from all the cooking

Operation KIDNAP!
(Terms and conditions before reading the post : thou shall not tell Ahgong)

Dips says:
i dun want him to go!!!

Dips says:
haha

jan : STUPID HASAN nickname stealerrrrr says:
haha DUH NEITHER DO I!!!!!!!

jan : STUPID HASAN nickname stealerrrrr says:
grrrrr

Dips says:
i wanna kidnap him!

jan : STUPID HASAN nickname stealerrrrr says:
yeah! lets!

jan : STUPID HASAN nickname stealerrrrr says:
lol u get the van i get the blindfold!

jan : STUPID HASAN nickname stealerrrrr says:
i'll tell him its a farewell surprise

jan : STUPID HASAN nickname stealerrrrr says:
LOL

Dips says:
haha

Dips says:
vin get the van

Dips says:
he got license

Dips says:
swee!

jan : STUPID HASAN nickname stealerrrrr says:
YAY!

jan : STUPID HASAN nickname stealerrrrr says:
wahahaha

jan : STUPID HASAN nickname stealerrrrr says:
set

you break off a piece of me, pieces no one ever sees







Just read a friend's blog...same bunch of people having fun...same bunch of people who became such a close clique...the same bunch i could chose to join but decided to leave instead. I don't know who to trust so i decided to trust none and tear myself away. I used to be the one to love meeting new people, having new friendships, but now i don't see the point in making the effort...for what? For more people to become your acquaintances or for more people to know about your life and to backstab you with your past? I've been disappointed and let down enough...as what i told someone awhile ago coz she was upset about another friend, friends who don't make an effort to stay in your life are those you don't have to make an effort for.

Friends come and go...that's the sad part.

Went out with Ahgong and Dips ytd to Mount Faber =) it's becoming one of my top favourite places. I love the feeling of sitting in the breeze (though i was shivering at some parts) and talking about all the things that matter. A much needed outing. Dips got out what he wanted to say and so did i. Things that i long wanted to say but didn't know how to explain coz it just sounds so cheesy and unbelievable. Amidst all the sad sad parts, we managed to be able to crap alot too lol =)

I can't comment much for their relationship coz i'm not even close to the girl and what i know is only what's told to me...but it seems so familiar to what ive been through or more like what i'm still going through. Of coz i do wish my friends have their own happy ending but no one can do anything when it comes to matters of the heart. To C , if you happen to chance upon my blog, I know what you're going through too coz I've been there, done that. At the cost of losing the one person I loved so much and coming to realise that he's the one who's worthy of it all because he's the one who stood by me through it all. Don't make the same mistake for when the chance passes, it may never return.

I'm sure things will turn out ok one day...for all of us

To you , don't let the past stop us from the greatest story ever told...if it even means anything to you, don't let it go, that's all i'm gonna say

In social work lecture now and IM REALLY REALLY BORED! He's like talking a whole lot about what social work is =( Growls *pouts* was 'forced' to go for lecture by Ahgong and Dips =( BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO while they are happily slacking away in Engine canteen waiting for me =( I WANNA GET OUTTT! Rawr

Bittersweet memories...

i think my tears flow easily...seems like i've been like that almost everyday now due to one thing or another.

a lot of things, feelings and emotions that i have no idea how to express.

hurt

coz e past still hurts

bittersweet, was what you once said our relationship had been.

if all of us were given a chance to choose again, to go back to the past again, will we still do what we've done? would we still have chosen what we had?

i once found it easy to talk about all these. not anymore. its hard, coz i've been there before. i've been through the let downs, the hurts, the expected, so there's not much need to say it all over again...coz i don't want to listen to all that again.

this obstacles are getting harder and harder to pass...and i can't do it alone.

stay or walk away?

"don't go, you know you'll break my heart"

With You (Jessica Simpson)

The real me is a Southern girl
With her Levi's on and an open heart
Wish I could save the world
Like I was Supergirl
The real me used to laugh all night
Lying in the grass, just talking 'bout love
But lately I've been jaded
Life got so complicated

I start thinking about it
Almost forgot what it was like
To know when it feels right

But with you
I can let my hair down
I can say anything crazy
I know you'll catch me right before I hit the ground
With nothing but a T-shirt on
I never felt so beautiful
Baby, as I do now
Now that I'm with you

With you
With you
With you
Now that I'm with you

You speak and it's like a song
And just like that, all my walls come down
It's like a private joke
Just meant for us to know
I relate to you naturally
Everybody else just fades away
Sometimes it's hard to breathe
Just knowing you found me

'Cause I start thinking about it
I almost forgot what it was like
To know when love feels right

Come and take me
Love you, save me
Like nobody else
Now I can be myself with you

Fannnntastic...Jon sent me their band's new recorded song ytd and now I'm hooked on it. Their actually really good manz =) lalalala

Anw...is anyone interested to take on iLead with me? Minor in technopreneurship...hmm should i should i? Application closes on 31 Jan i gotta decide soon!

Before I fall in love (Coco Lee)

My heart says we've got something real
Can I trust the way I feel
'Cause my heart's been fooled before
Am I just seeing what I want to see
Or is it true, could you really be


Someone to have and hold
With my heart and soul
I need to know, before I fall in love
Someone who'll stay around
Through all my ups and downs
Please tell me now, before I fall in love


I'm at the point of on return
So afraid of getting bumed
But I want to take a change
Please, give me a reason to believe
Say, that you're the one, that you'll always be


It's been so hard for me to give my heart away
But I would give my everything ,
Just to hear you say (you're)

Asshole

You'll never come across my blog and you'll never know I'm talking about you, coz I don't even know your name but you're an ASSHOLE. All CAPS. A really really annoying piece of shit. If something had happened to him, I would have hunted you down and burnt you alive. Wtf.

I hate people like you.

I hate you even when I don't even know who you are.

I wonder what will happen if I actually got to know you. GRR. I'll most probably poison you with conc HCL or phenol...or both. =)

Tailbone HURTS *SOBZ*






Muahaha I'm glad to announce that I'm better at blading now! WOOTS! Can blade for more than an hr without falling! Hohoho! BUTT smart me just HAD to blade myself into a stupid twig and fall! And I decided to fall onto my butt coz the 1st time i blade i fell on my butt n it doesn't very much hurt. BUT wrong decision coz i hurt my dumb tailbone n was screaming in the middle of the road and was immobile for an hour. Bleh i think i gave Ahgong a huge shock oops.

Landed up at NUH for dinner and was supposed to see the docter there too coz i was cheapskate and wanted the 20% discount for NUS students. Bah but waiting time was 2 hrs for A&E so we went to the 24 hr clinic at Clementi instead.

ha was recapping of all the misfortunes that Ahgong had seen me through. =) so happens that he's always there when i'm at all my significant lows.

1. Falling down, bleeding at YIH, got a nice piggyback
2. Ehh slight misfortune of stolen handbag at Boat Quay and subsequent visit to the police station hehh
3. Loss of closest girlfriends
4. Spraining of ankle at the traffic lights at his sis place coz we were rushing across the road coz...
5. Bad horrid quarrels with my parents
6. Today's misfortune

Hmm and many others more that I kinda forgot hehh.

"Have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there's no one else above you? You fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness, ease my trouble that's what you do."

I'm sorry I'm not telling you much =( maybe its coz I'm scared to say all the same things again. Scared to feel vulnerable again and to end up with the same situation, to end up in the same hurt. I'm torn coz neither do I know what to do when I feel we're falling back into that again. I'm trying my best.

But its hard not to fall for an angel

"enjoy it while he's still here, think about it while he's gone" kinda amazing how your close friends say things that are just so apt.

Yupz okk I realise my blog is turning into a shrine for him again bleh

2 other things I wanna add

1. I don't know if you're reading this, but I hope that we'll one day be the way we are again. I miss talking to you...alot. I don't know why, but its hard to give you up as a friend, not just any friend but a special one. Maybe cause with disappointment comes realisation of how much someone means to you. So until you're ready, I'll still be here.

2. To Dips, stay happy happy HAPPY! We can go blading soon muahah when my injury is better *grinz* Sometimes in our lowest, we often realise that friends and family are all we need to keep us going =)

So Close (Jon Mclaughlin)

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you

So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

I still remember that feeling. That hurt when i finally walked away. If i was still the same me last time i wouldn't give a damn but coz i've been through all that, i'm scared of the hurt that accompanies that love. Very scared.

the past hurts still haunts me

I'm trying to keep my cool

it's not like I mind doing it...just that its not a very apt time to ask me to correct paragraphs of speeches especially when I'm in a sulky mood, just cried and wanna have some peace to myself to feel down.

In a matter of minutes my good mood is brought down to an ultra farrrrking bad mood. TMD. I'm reminded of all the reasons why I hate coming home in the first place. And my sis took my earphones out to work I'm left with nothing to block out a stupid ass's dog barkings. Useless fool.

I shall stay in school to study tmr.

It's FUN spending Ahgong's money! *grinz*

"I don't know what it is tonight, your eyes, your smile. Even in a candlelight, you shine so bright. You are so beautiful, more beautiful than you've ever been. I catch my breath...and fall in love again"

Tricia!!! Damn ultra cute =) and she stones just like her lazy uncle hehe

Was supposed to go blading ytd instead we ended up shopping for groceries for Zurich at Marine Parade coz the skate rental ends at 9 on weekdays and we were late BLEH. =) Seems like even though outings don't go according to plan, it's always a bunch of fun! Muahaha of coz its fun when I'm not the one spending the money hohoho. I went around happily throwing everything into the trolley while Ahgong took almost half of the things out *rawr* wet blanket. Hoho, grocery shopping PART TWO starts on sat! Road trip to JB this time Ahgong will have fun too coz its spending his parent's money *grin grin* Can't wait!

Yays though it wasn't intended, we finally took our LOOOONG bus ride. 196 from Clementi all the way to East Coast *smiles* bus rides are fun especially when your company decides to be dyslexic on that day lol

At arts canteen

Me (pours peach tea) : I’m having a cough
Ahgong : *thoughtful look* hmm what coughs cures? What cause cures? WHAT CURES COUGHS!
Me : Bwahahah!

Conversation pass Clementi Town Secondary (i think) field

Ahgong : Look! The green is so grass!
Me : *blinks at him* OMG yarrr the GREEN is DAMN GRASS! Lol

Ahgong : AHMAH!*defensive look and pouts*

Hehehe damn cute lars there was something else that was really ultra funny too but I forgot! Rawr.

=) took a super ultra short stroll near the sea, but since everywhere was wet we didn't stay long. But the stars were super bright! hehe yay I love stars =) SO PWEEEEETTY!!! Its all so familiar to me. And all the reasons of why I first fell in love with this lil dodo just came flooding back to me =)

Alrights moving on...I finally know who's Audrey! *grins at a certain someone who took my most unglam photo and sabo-ed me on his blog!* And she looks like Steph! 99% match larss!

AND I'm turning over a new leaf bwahaha yarr high inertia, still turning. I'm gonna go for all my lects religiously (with the exception of 1st feb, I shall declare it a sad sad holidayyy). Its gonna be a hectic and horrible AND SAD sem since Ahgong, Lianguo and Lionel will all be on exchange =(=(=( I hope these 5 mths pass QUICK.

Wells to make up for it, at least EL1101E is a fun fun lecture *grin*! On the other hand my LSM2101 lecturer forgot all about us today and turned up for lect an hour late! O.o not funny when you missed three 96 buses and decided to catch a cab to school instead coz you don't wanna be late. Bahs..damn annoying. It was a rush rush day for me. Rush to lect, rush to print notes and flood posters, rush back to lect. *grouch* I didn't even get to eat until like 4 plus.

Went to find Josh since he was having his boring booth at Sci Fac. Apparently his friend Mark is damn stunned that I looked so different at Zouk and he couldn't recognise me until I had to remind him we took the same lecture. And I happen to bum into him at Central Lib too. Hmm I wonder...bummed into Meghna and Madhuri at Homeclub the last time too and they both took like more than 10 secs to contemplate if I was some psycho loony who just went up to random people to say "OMG HEY!" before they realise with shocked exclaimation that I'm Janna. =) how interesting. Is there such a significant difference? O.o I just don't understand why people wanna wear thick makeup and dress up for an hour before heading to SCHOOL. I just throw on my tshirt and shorts and get outta the house in half an hr. Hurr you're here to study manz, not a fashion show.

I'm feeling anti-social this sem *rawrs* but even on the first day of school I already bummed into like 5, 6 people along the hallways within a couple of hours. O.o how exciting. I don't like people this sem. =)

Alrights my tv show is calling out to me! Byes!

FEAR *hyperventilates*

oh yar...and btw, there's something bothering me now... I'm thinking of whether to face up to my greatest fear or to just not do anything about it =( *sobz* those who know (which I've a feeling only Ahgong knows what I'm talking about...and a couple of others) WHAT SHOULD I DOOOOO?

Growls

I think I know the answers from you guys anyway =( BOO...but I don't want to

Plus I won't have Ahgong to cry to these whole 5 months = more than half of the reasons why I should not

something i can't get over because of all that had happened before...i can remember all of that so well, the fear the engulfs me each time and eats me up inside.

if only she were still here...maybe i can find that motivation to still do it coz i know i can look for her.

i wished you were still here.

neither will you know how sad i am, nor does it matter anymore...

MY BLOG IS BACKKKKK!!!! =D=D=D

wow taken such a long break didn't quite expect myself to blog again.

it's funny how certain things that we expected to stay the same, has changed so much, and yet some things that you expect to have changed after time, never did.

this blog started with losing someone I found to have never loved

then moving on

to finding a special friend, the most treasured friend, the one who shared the ups and downs, and ended up loving him

and losing him

then moving on to losing someone who once claimed to have loved me, but ended up realising that none of it was real. Revenge, hatred, betrayal, backstabbing carried on for that difficult period which I tried so hard to step out of and after so long, I did. I no longer hate, coz I'm glad to say I no longer feel a thing. But what you did, I'll never forget, coz you made me lose one of the most important person I loved.

sometimes you love someone so much, you continue to give excuses and reasons to keep that friendship. You try to fight when you know you're not a fighter. And end up being disappointed. End up asking yourself what's the point in fighting for something which both of us can't even be sure whether it's worthy. I thought it was , until you decided to break it along with my heart yesterday.

you meant the world more than any guy could compare

how did we even become like this? at the cost of what?

and moving on

to finally knowing who was worthy of that love all the while. To finally realising that I still loved all the while. It's good to have been able to tear myself away and take a step back to see. It makes it all so different now. So different, yet the same feeling of joy just being with you, the same feeling of being able to really be myself and enjoy our bimboness *grinz*

it feels like home to me

2 weeks to you abandoning all of us and flying off with your obviously gay *ahems* annoying *coughs* friend to the other half of the world. For the record, I can't believe I'm sending him off too *growls* (yupz I keep a grudge) I'm just glad Dips will be coming along to keep me sane.

5 months till you'll be HOME. We'll let time tell =)

2 days till we go blading again!!!! WHEE! *grin grin grin*

"sometimes I smile not because I'm happy, but because it takes a smile to hide a million tears*