Coz you're my every reason to love

Naked and vulnerable when I had to peel off that mask and say how I felt. I don't like that feeling and I hate even more having to bring up that horrid conversation over and over again. Maybe I'm not immune. I just stubbornly refuse to acknowledge it coz I know it's gonna hurt even more and at the same time, it's not gonna change how I feel, so why bother?

Boo...yesh he had successfully made me feel like the most paranoid and silly person. Now I feel dumb being annoyed at something I didn't have to in the first place. Bleh. But ohwells...at least I finally got it outta my system. My question is answered and that bubble is popped.

Now what?

There's still alot for me to learn. Things that I've been doing all my life, and then now realise they were wrong. I'm still learning to find that balance between holding too tightly and letting go.

It's scary how I woke up and suddenly things just clicked. How all the lil pieces added up.

How I realise that I may never be able to love again.

I don't know how long this walk is gonna be, but I'm still gonna walk through it. Such an irony how I chose...chose to walk this road, and at the same time, there wasn't much of a choice actually.

But if given a choice, would I really want to turn back the hands of time and choose not to have fallen, choose not to have known him at all? I doubt so. I'll still choose to walk down this same path. Looking back, I realised that I've stupidly loved for all the wrong reasons. Now at least I know what it's like, what this feeling is like. Coz it's different.

Coz you became my every reason to really fall in love.

And my every reason to be scared to be in love.