Sedate

Today goes down in history one of the most horrible days of my life GROWL

Started the day on the wrong step. OMG lah...Li, Puang and Cynthia you guys are SWORN to secrecy and not allowed to laugh at me!!!! Ok I'm not supposed to grouch at Li coz as of TODAY I'm indebted to my fav bitch for life. Haha...I love yooooou! You're a TOTAL LIFE SAVIOUR!!!

Too many things on my mind. Too many things I can't control and don't know how to control. Problem after problem which I can't solve. Sometimes I wished I could not care, not feel these feelings inside of me. Does anyone think I wanted to? Does anyone think I'm happy to? NO I AM NOT!!! Wish I could be retarded. So many strings attached to my leg pulling me down, sank and drowned. Burst and exploded today. Cried till there was nothing left in me.

I know the extent of my feelings. The last few months weren't just any other relationship to me. It wasn't a joke to me. Even if you feel you're not worth it, let me tell you again, to me YOU ARE. You're worth every lil thing that I can afford to give. To me you are. There're other issues that we need to face, yes I know, but even if it means waiting that 60 years, that's just about what I'm gonna do and am prepared to do. I'd rather be true to myself.

Let it happen. Let it pass. We'll be happier that way.

Cried so much today I'm actually feeling quite empty and sedate now. Good to finally let it out.

Was talking to my one of my girlfriends today. Another case of how I love you came too late. It hurts to know that you've fallen for that one person who once loved you before. That's why I hate regrets. I don't like to look back and hate myself for not doing something. Take a risk babe, you'll never know where you might land up. Why fight it when you know you can't fight your heart? A principle that I've always stuck to, fight for it if it means that much to you, don't ever look back with regrets. I don't know how much I can help, or if my words to you even helps, but you know I'll always be there when you need me alrights. *hugz* hope things will get settled soon. =)

And to the big fat Chipmunk! Haha we just parted and I miss you alreaddddddy! Grooowl, pigg can't believe you're going off again and not coming back for 10 months!!! Gosh who is gonna irritate and annoy the hell outta me again? Lol ok..I realise I shouldn't say that bleh later tmr one whole long queue of people waiting to irritate me. Anwz, hope you have a safe trip back to Melb and settle down for your last yr of 'bitch' medicine school haha. Don't worry, you'll get a pweetty girlfriend over there I'm sure =) Last year already! Perservere! Study until wanna die call me ok? Flounder will be here for you to scream at..gawd what sacrifice *grinz* Omg lah...I just remembered that now you'll be owing me my Crystal Jade treat for 3years!!! Damnit manz, your first paycheck in 10 mths is not going to your dumb massage chair OK, it's going to MY Fullerton treat!!! Hurr. Take care lah, you'll be missed =)

Okies shall go finish watching What Women Want =p