when it's the past you want to escape but can't

I hate it when it comes back to me...when certain things I hear or see makes all of it come back to me. I don't like to remember...

I can't change the past...but the past is all I wish I could escape from. I long to start anew on a clean sheet...but that clean sheet has long become stained, torn, scarred...

We may be back to being good friends. We may have long put our relationship behind us. But as much as I want to, I can never forget the pain and hurt I felt that day you decided to walk out of my life. I can never forget how broken and empty I was when you repeatedly shut me out. I can never forget how I quarrelled with my dad so badly, and for the first time, you weren't there to pick me up. For the first time, you weren't there for me at all.

In a few months time, we may never have to see each other. Our paths will never have to cross again in NUS. We will never have to see each other and turn away, pretending that we don't know each other. I've walked out of your life, a road that I chose ever since that day you lied. But I'll never forget. You were a good lover while we lasted. If all that had been true. I used to keep everything I received from those I love, had loved, but I chose to throw away everything you gave me. At the end of it all, I had to say the words I hate the most...that I guess I never knew you at all. I don't know which part of what you were when you were with me, was YOU. You were the greatest turning point in my life. You made me realise that I can never trust anyone. You did the one thing I hated the most...you lied. I hurt not because I still loved you. I hurt coz you took my trust, the trust that I rebuilt so painfully, and you crashed it all in one day.

I hate to remember...remember these...or maybe coz I hate to remember that I have to run away from these....

I'm trying to move on, believe me when I say I'm trying to be strong...but how can I when it always comes back to me...how I was broken as a person...how I was broken, by you.