I plead temporary insanity...

Dignity...so little of it left in me. Honestly I really wonder what in the world is pulling me back.

Ironies of life...the people who had loved you, you can't find it in yourself to love them back. Yet those who are so unsure of loving you, you wanna love for the rest of your life.

Finally realises how much it hurts. Realised how much I've hurt the people who had once loved me. It must have hurt so much when I told KT to stop waiting for me. Baah..karma sucks

Our relationship is held by sucha thin breakable thread. Every step we take can make it or break it so easily. It frustrating that everytime we seem to keep fluctuating between the areas of black and white.

Sometimes I feel like giving up...but yet it means so much to me...why? I need reassurance. Reassurance that what I'm doing is not wrong. That's why it means so much to me to have my few precious friend's support. It gives me the strength to move on. But this strength is wearing thin...fast...

I feel like I'm a life-wrecker. Every guy I choose to love, somehow I'll wreck their lifes in one way or another. I'm sorry...sorry that a love once so strong, was ruined and scarred by my presence. I don't think you'll ever be reading my blog, but this is to you Tammy. I know you must hate me. I would hate myself too.

I know Puang can't concentrate with so many things happening. Things that never happened to him before. I don't know how to help...coz once again it all started with me. There're so many more things out there going for him, I don't wanna be that one ruining things again. Yet I hate regrets. I don't want to let go and then look back and tell myself I was an idiot for doing that. The world's biggest fattest most retarded idiot.

I understand why some people love getting drunk. There'll always be some kind of unhappiness inside everyone of us. A little more of a little less. Getting drunk's a way of release. Releasing the thoughts and feelings that you once had no courage to express. I've been through that stage. So what if you've been acting like a lunatic crying and screaming outside Butter Factory before? At the end of it all...you can't order love. You can't order life.

If only I could be a retard. Then I won't have to care about anything at all.

Sometimes I feel like giving up. Whoever's reading my blog, go ahead and judge me. I'm a bitch. Period.


(ok my post is damn incoherent...but that's coz my feelings are like a rollercoaster ride of emotions again)