What if...tmr starts without me in this world?

For 2 hrs I was hiding away in bed...paralysed and suicidal.

The last time these thoughts came into my mind was when I quarrelled so badly with my dad and at the same period of time, lost Elv. Felt that there was no one else left for me.

Today the same thoughts came back into my mind.

Then I thought about Jenn. What had happened to her before. She was lucky to have pulled through. What if...I didn't pull through? What if...goodbye became goodbye forever?

Mum, Dad, what will happen to you if you lost your daughter today?
Jie, what will happen to you if you lost your only sister today?
Li, Chang, what will happen to you if you lost your best bitch today?
Mel, Kwan, Saf, Jenn what will happen to you if you lost you drinking buddy today?
Kai, Chipz, Elv what will happen to you if you lost your friend today?
Weiguang, what will happen to you...if you lost that someone who had loved you, today?

Through that 2 hrs I was in bed...emotional support came for me. Emotional support from different sources that made me feel that I wasn't alone, yet at the same time, all alone by myself. If tears could bring back anything, it certainly didn't bring you back.

Suicide's not a joke. Few of my friends been through a suicidal stage. It's not something that I'm proud about, but I guess there's a point in everyone life...we just feel like ending the pain.

This is to my best bitch, who dragged me out of that. Who forced her way in when I felt like shutting out, shutting down. The person who said she'll march right up to my house with a tonne of chick flicks and to go retail therapy the whole day. The person who's always able to make me feel that it's gonna be alright, that I will be able to survive. =) Here's to you Li *HUGZ* love you

Puang, I realise this life still needs you to be part of.