Because i lost sight of You...

I sank

so badly...i felt so suicidal again

i'm cooped up with no place to back up against

so scared of even myself and where my thoughts are leading..hid in my bed and cried till i fell asleep again

i just didn't feel like talking to anyone, didn't feel like seeing anyone but Weiguang

plus the fact that i turned sick ever since i woke up didn't help. Almost fainted at NTUC a few times while Ahgong squated beside me and waited till i found the energy to stand again...slid down the bus seat every time the bus turned coz i just didn't have the energy to stay in that position (and Ahgong being as silly as he is, slid down tgt with me =) ) , got motion sickness, skin felt as if it's stabbed by daggers even as Ahgong touched gently, popped 2 panadols and 1 Motillum and collasped onto Ahgong's bed and fell asleep till its time to cook

so many problems and situations that made me so frustrated and upset i just simply snapped and hid in my hole for the rest of the day =(

i have my reasons for doing things...i hope people can understand...i don't agree to take up a position and then leave everyone to die...as stressed as i am i would have continued if i could...

once again i felt that all these happened because i relied on solely myself again and lost sight of You. I'm trying to find my way back amongst all these mess...i'm trying my best and i know You'll reach out for me like You always had, still have...

just don't ever let me go

there's only so much i can take...i hate to have to break down ='(